Cranky's Castle

dad's obit

2009-12-15T21:53:00.002-06:00

NORMAN, Jr., William G.
Col., USAF (Ret.)
Col. Norman, age 65, passed away December 9, 2009, after battling Melanoma. Bill will be remembered for his contributions to his family, friends and country. He served as an Air Force Officer for 26 years. While serving he flew the C-130 in Vietnam, T-33 Instructor Pilot, F-111 and A-10 Fighter Pilot, Army Liaison Master jumper with the 82nd Air Borne Div., AF Defense Air Attache' to El Salvador, Director of Intelligence Panama, Diplomat IADB in Washington D.C. After his retirement, he taught High School JROTC for 15 years. He leaves behind Jo (wife), Nick/Hope, Amy, Kelley/Devon, grandchildren Shane and Jessie, family, friends and his JROTC Cadets. He will be truly missed. Visitation on Friday from 6:00 - 8:00 p.m., with Rosary at 7:00 p.m. at Our Lady of Assumption Catholic Church (5057 Cottage Way, Carmichael). Mass with full Military Honors Saturday 11:30 a.m. at St. Mary's Cemetery (6700 21st Ave, Sacramento). PRICE FUNERAL CHAPEL will accept flowers (6335 Sunrise Blvd., 725-2109).

They failed to include my brother in the obit. I'll give the step-mom the benefit of the doubt, she's going through chemo right now and more than likely has a case of chemo-brain. I've sent a note to the newspaper to find out if we can change it. I just can't wait until this weekend is over and I can get back to my life.

well, hell

2009-12-01T19:01:00.003-06:00

guess it's time to keep track.

Dad sent me an e-mail yesterday, asking me to call him at home when I had time to talk. I planned on calling him tonight, but my step-sister called me first. Basically, he's dying.

He's had melanoma for the past 8 years or so. Had several spots removed, some pretty big surgery on his face. Seems it came back with a passion. He has a couple of skin lesions on his head that I guess he didn't realize was melanoma and so it's turned into multiple malignant melanoma. He's got it all over.

both lungs
both kidneys
somewhere on his spine, hip and shoulder
Liver
gall bladder

He actually doesn't have it in his brain, which is good, I guess. He's in a lot of pain (lungs, kidneys, liver) and the codeine wasn't doing anything for him, so they switched him to morphine last night. When I talked to him tonight, he said he's been asleep for the past 18 hours or so. He said he hasn't slept much in the past week from the pain. He's out of it, his brain isn't working all that well, he has a hard time with his sentences and he sounds exhausted, which makes sense.

He says he's planning on starting chemo as soon as the insurance comes through. They plan on doing 15 minutes a day 4 days a week. I'm not sure how long they plan on doing that for. They say the chances of the chemo working are about 15%.

He turned 65 in September. It's a lot farther than he expected to make it. Says he's not afraid of dying but is having a hard time with his emotions. Don't know what to think of that.

Turns out my step-mother is undergoing chemo for breast cancer right now. She will have her 5th of 6 treatments this week, they are 3 weeks apart. I think all of hers is precautionary as she had a lumpectomy and I guess they got all of it.

Guess I had better tell the rest of the few relatives we have. I'll update when I know more, which probably won't be that often, knowing they way our relationship has gone.

Lovely Babies

2009-01-21T13:27:00.001-06:00

I just saw my "babies" flying around, literally. I'm on the top floor of an office building and my monitor backs up to a wall of windows, so I'm basically staring outside all day long (basically, I said. I do actually get some work done, on occassion). There's a green space right next to the building, so it's not unusual (to be loved by anyone) to have buzzards/vultures flying around. Ugly suckers, but fun to see. I've been watching the birds here too much. I can tell when it's a buzzard by the way it flies (they aren't too steady). But recently, we've had a pair of ravens. So beautiful, all shiny black, soaring around the hotel next door, sometimes alighting on the peaks of the building. They are SO fun to watch! It's always a pair, and they like to play, soaring, diving, flipping, it's just fun to watch. They make me happy.

I think ravens are rather new this far south. I'm glad to see them. Maybe some actually hang around in graveyards. I've got to go get some more pictures soon!

Snicker

2009-01-08T17:08:00.000-06:00

At work we are dealing with a law firm which can be found at www.mofo.com.

I shouldn't find that so funny, but I do.

Comedy of Errors

2009-01-08T10:31:00.003-06:00

Yesterday was a comedy of errors for me:

1) Open one eye, realize it's light outside, look at clock which says 7:55. OH SHIT. R0ll over and look at Pixie, who usually is waking me up at 6:30 ON THE WEEKENDS. She just eyes me back. Damn cat.

2) Take my shower, start getting ready for work. Put deodorant on my right pit, turn the dial on deodorant, realize there isn't any left. Okay, I'll grab my extra one I always have on hand. Um, yeah, no extra one, even after pulling out the step-stool and looking in the BACK of the closet. No deodorant. So, my right pit is fine, my left pit gets an extra shot of perfume.

3) Get dressed, look in mirror and realize the cute new skirt is WAY too dressy for the shirt I've already ironed and have on. Great, ditch lace skirt and dig in dirty clothes for long skirt.

4) Get to work. The boss is back today. That's when the day went from a comedy to a tragedy. He drives me nuts, and not in a good way. I also figured out that the boss from the part-time job is just about the same. I don't think I can handle that type of personality for more than 40 hours a week. . .

5) Old boss calls at noon looking for current boss. Current boss has been off for 2 1/2 weeks and then the first day back HAS TO RUN ERRANDS for several HOURS. So, old boss tells me that the reason he left the outside firm he was working at since he retired is because he has cancer, and it's been there for years. Damn, that just really ruined the day.

I've been needing to go to the grocery store for a while now, and I was going to try to skip it again last night, but then I realized I HAD to go, or else nobody would come near me or my stinky pits. I spend 2 hours there, just kind of wandering around. I hope all the stuff I got lasts a while.

My Boyfriend

2009-01-06T23:19:00.002-06:00

At least HE thinks he is.

Sad :(

2009-01-06T23:04:00.004-06:00

I took down my christmas tree at the office today. I had to take down all of my lovely black ornaments, my Evil Queen ornament, and the one that has "naughty" on one side and "nice" on the other. I kept it on the naughty side. Boss comes back tomorrow, I pretty much haven't gotten anything done there in a while.

So, I haven't posted in gawd only knows how long, so I'll show you my halloween costume:

I was Wednesday Addams. One of the women I work with was going to be Morticia, but she never got around to it. I spend quite a bit of time with that little bunny. Very cute, very soft, and about 10 minutes after this picture was taken, he peed alllllllll over my left boob. Needless to say, I went home, quickly.

The book is: I Hate Myself and Want to Die; The 52 Most Depressing Songs You've Ever Heard. It's freaking hilarious. And I just didn't have time to find a doll to decapitate. I wasn't going to do that to any of the few I have, wait, do I have any . . .?

Oh yeah, HI! Justme! You may be the only one here!

Got Medieval: And You Thought Tomatoes Were Dangerous...

2008-09-09T10:15:00.000-05:00

Got Medieval: And You Thought Tomatoes Were Dangerous...

"Lettuce. It's not just boring. It's a threat to your immortal soul."

*snerk* *snort*

Missing you. . .

2008-06-16T17:13:00.001-05:00

Sandwiches, especially burgers, just aren't right without tomatoes!!!

that' not a migraine!!!

2008-06-12T16:54:00.000-05:00

That's FUCKING viral meningitis!!!

emergency room

2008-06-12T00:31:00.001-05:00

Its 12:10 in the morning on s thursday and I just sat through one of my best friends getting a spinal tap. Not anything I ever want to do again. I wish that I didn't have such a hard time with actual medical proceedures, but I ended up with that adrenaline rush that almost had me passed out. Both of us were green. She's passed out again from the second round of pain killer theygave her. The demerol didn't do much good, so they went to dilaudid (at least that's what I think it was.
She called me at 6:20 this afternoon and I couldn't understand her because she was sobbing. I thought something had happened to one of her cats, but she was in pain. Got my heart racing and had me pretty well FREAKED!!! Got to her place, got her loaded into the car and drove like a bat out of hell to the er.
Finally after one of the nursed mentioned it, I realized its probably a migraine. I guess we need to make sure she gets to a neurologist, cause she has NO pain threshold what-so-ever. Glad I had that coke around 10!

Pollen Borg

2008-04-01T11:57:00.004-05:00

Im sitting here at my desk, on the 9th floor of the building, facing out the window, when some weather blows in. I'm thinking maybe it's a dust storm. I've seen those come through before, it's really odd to watch. But as this yellow cloud moves closer, I realize, it's not dust. The wind is whipping the pollen off of the freaking oak trees. It's a HUGE cloud of oak pollen, and it's only getting bigger as it goes along. I'm watching the trees start waving in the wind, and then all of the sudden, a denser yellow cloud makes is way from the tree to join the rest of the crowd. I don't know if maybe there is something in the trees that says "hey, they are pollinating, I should too!" or if it was just the way the wind was blowing, but I swear, it happened sequentially through the trees. (does that even make sense?) Yeah, I think it's time for food. . . But that means I have to go out there. . .

What's Up

2008-03-29T14:47:00.003-05:00

I went to see my therapist Thursday, and we are going to be seeing each other weekly for a while, until I can kind of get a handle on this. I took Tuesday afternoon off of work, I just couldn't be there any more, and then I took Friday off, just about the same reason. But I did actually go see Dr. Brain (I'm stealing that from Just Me, it makes sense) on Friday, like the shrink recommended. We are upping my Paxil again, at least until I get the above mentioned handle. I also got a haircut and a 2 hour massage. Can't really shake a stick at that. Mom and Big Boss both brought up moving back to the hometown, but I really, REALLY don't want to do that. There are more jobs there with my company, but I have my life here, my whole support structure, all of my friends and drs. out the wazoo. I've been here 11 years and I love this town, so I'm not planning on leaving anytime soon. Big Boss took me into his office this week and said that as things start to fall into place and he knows what's actually going to happen that he will let me know what he does. That helped. He also said that he's going to be talking to people to help find me another job. That's a huge help, but I'm still scared shitless. I really want to get out of legal. I don't want to go to a law firm, I don't want to move to another legal department in the company, I'm done. I need something new. I'm bored out of my mind where I am. I think it's giving me too much time to think.

I've decided I need to print out a list of all the pills I take every day, laminate it, and keep it in my wallet. I can't remember any more what I'm taking and what the doses are, there are just too many. Now, if I could just lose 100 lbs, I wouldn't have that many to take. Good luck with that one.

Oh, dear LORD will it ever stop

2008-03-12T14:57:00.003-05:00

So, I'm not too happy with life right now. Doesn't help that my moods are pretty much controlled by whatever everyone around me is feeling. The big boss is going to leave, we just don't know when. There is no way in HELL that I will work for the little boss (a printer wouldn't print out what he sent to it, so he had me check it. He could have checked it himself faster and found out IT JUST FUCKING NEEDED PAPER!). I'm hoping that this other job works out. It looks like it would be interesting, but for now, I'm kind of dangling in the wind, which makes me not want to do a single damn thing. I've pretty much been depressed all week, all I do when I get home is crawl into bed and read, take a nap, get up, watch a little bit of tv, figure out what's for dinner, and go back to bed. Wheeee. So long as I don't actually have to think about anything, seems I'm doing good. Otherwise, I'm a mess. I went to lunch yesterday, ate way too much, and realized as I sat there that I really, REALLY didn't want to go back to the office. It had dawned on me, clear as a bell, that I'm depressed. So, I basically spend the rest of the day feeling like I wanted to throw up. Felt the same way today. I really hate throwing up, but if I'm having a panic attack, that's usually what I do. I haven't had one in a long time, but I have this feeling that I might. I don't want to be aorund my friends, I don't want to be at work, I just want to be at home, in bed, not thinking about anything that has to relate to my life. I haven't called in sick to work yet, but I think about it every day.

Not really that uncomfortable

2008-03-03T10:21:00.003-06:00

So, um, yeah, that thing that I was bitching about down there with the weather and the A/C not working and all that. Well, we got a "cold front" in last night. Yeah, um, got rather cool. Now, I put cold front in quotes, because it will be in the 40's tonight, and most folks who may read this are probably north of the Red River and not sympathizing with me in the least. They have SNOW, which we almost never get down here. I'm still not sure about the A/C, I'll have to check it later.

Big boss is out all week, but little boss is here. Granted, I'm only at work today and tomorrow, so I can't complain too much. heh. . . :)

Disturbing Headline of the Day

2008-03-03T02:29:00.001-06:00

Man hits woman on his way to anger management class

DAAY-UM!

It's Too LATE!!!

2008-03-03T01:20:00.002-06:00

By that, I mean it's almost 1:30 in the morning, and I have to be up in less than 5 hours for work, and I'm really not great on less than 8 hours of sleep and I can't seem to GET THERE!!! Spent this weekend working on my apartment. I've been here for almost 6 months and I still didn't have anything on the walls and still had several boxes left to figure out where the hell to put the contents. So, my bud, the Divine Miss M came over and "supervised" for most of the weekend. You have NO idea how much I appreciate that, because I wouldn't have done shit had she not been here. But I got boxes emptied, and I was actually able to run the new Roomba in the living room (damn, those things pick up LOTS of stuff you didn't even know was there. . .), and the laundry is done, I just have to finish getting stuff on the walls and figure out where the hell to put the crafty crap that's floating around the craft room. THAT'S gonna be fun. But I've decided to have a get together over here this next Saturday, and I've invited all my friends, and this place has GOT to look good before then. Nothing like that kind of prompting to make you move your ass!!!

Thank gawd the weather was nice today, as the A/C here didn't seem to want to cool. It's been sitting at around 80 in my apartment all day, and for a fat girl who is trying to clean up, that gets really uncomfortable really fucking quickly. I dug into the A/C unit tonight to see if maybe it was that the filter needed changing or something of the sort, but it seems that somewhere along the line the sucker froze up. There was ice on it. Uh, WHOOPS! So, I've let it sit for a while and hopefully it will work when I turn it back on. I don't care how nice the temperature is here right now, and a nice 70 degrees, at 120% humidity, it's fucking MISERABLE!!! So, maybe the temp in my apartment will lower a bit now. I can hope. Maybe that will help me get to sleep. Maybe I should just think about filing things here in the crafty crap room. That will probably help me nod off. . .

Boys, look the other way

2008-02-05T21:16:00.000-06:00

Unless, of course, you don't mind reading about girlie bits.

Anyway, so I seem to have this way of figuring out when I'm either ovulating or PMS'ing. I do believe it's more of the middle of the month type thing. I start looking at men like they were the side of beef I was so craving a week or so ago. I realize that I start looking at the guys around me, thinking who is cute, who isn't, who is interesting, who isn't, who I wouldn't mind spending an extended, extended, extended amount of time with, and who I would just like to club over the head and take home to keep on a tether in my bedroom. Just Mother Natures subtle hint for procreation. I've nixed that idea, totally, but I wouldn't mind the, ahem, activities.

Anybody else notice this at all, or am I just nuts? (oh, wait, that goes without saying.)

So far, so good

2008-02-04T11:32:00.000-06:00

Okay, saw the therapist, and she says she's working on getting recertified for my insurance. I'm hoping that comes through, because they did the same thing with my group therapy and never recertified them, and I had to pay for it out of my pocket until I quit going sometime last year. I really, really, REALLY hope it actually goes the way it's supposed to and I can still see her on insurance. . .

You know. . .

2008-02-01T16:46:00.000-06:00

You know you may be in too much of a therapy frame of mind, when you are typing in case names and one of them happens to be XXX Enameling Co. and all you read is Enabling.

Beef, it's what's for dinner. . .

2008-01-31T09:16:00.000-06:00

and breakfast, and lunch, and mid-morning snack, and maybe afternoon snack, and possibly if I get up in the middle of the night. . . Good lord, hormones are fun. . .

Not EXACTLY A Pretty Good Year

2008-01-24T11:49:00.001-06:00

Man, we were so hoping this was going to go well. So far, not really so good, and January isn't even over yet. . .

I just got a note from my insurance telling me that my therapist that I ADORE won't be on their lists starting March 1. Bleh. I'm not sure I can afford her without insurance. . .

Oh, and then the powers that be decided that the bosses around the company need to have a staff meeting regarding BUDGET in about 10 minutes. LOVELY. I asked if I could sit in on it, and the big boss said that was fine. Actually he said he didn't care, but not in the "I could give a flying flip about you", actually in the "sure, do whatever you want to" kinda way. I like that about him, along with a bunch of other things.

Little boss got back on Monday, and he's had me running. No more slacking off for me!!! It's a bit stressful, but it keeps me moving and the days go faster, which is nice.

At least last night I was productive. I figured I was just going to go home and go to sleep, since I haven't been keeping my CPAP mask on all night lately, so I'm pretty wiped out, but I ended up making a necklace for a friends birthday and watching Criminal Intent. I do love that show, and miss the Sunday night time slot when I would watch it and do laundry. . . Times change, all around, I guess.

Now, I'm just gonna hope that the pain in my neck isn't disk blown out the OTHER side from the first time. . . It's just a knot, it's just a knot, it's just a knot, I just need a massage, I just need a massage, I just need a massage. . . :)

God Bless the Therapists

2008-01-17T15:09:00.000-06:00

Specifically, MY therapist. Woman is a miracle worker, so far as I'm concerned. I've been wallowing in this pit of despair and self-hate for a week and a half (I know, might not seem long to some folks, but when it effects how I deal with EVERYTHING, it's serious). So, I tell her about it, she decided that maybe some EMDR is in order. I'd never done it before, but she had talked about it. I feel so much better. I have no idea what it does or how it does it, but I feel like I can handle my life again, well, as good as I did 2 weeks ago. . .

Rhetorical Question. . .

2008-01-10T14:47:00.000-06:00

How the FUCK is it, that one thing happens and I go running down the fucking rabbit hole to self-hate and anger? And then I'm smart enough to go FIND THINGS from the past (2 fucking years, it's been 2 fucking years, and I can't get over it, and it wasn't that bad of a thing) that make me feel even more worthless and unloveable. WHEEEEE! I guess finding out that your boss thinks that your jobs might not be around much longer will kinda push you in the self-abuse direction.

Hell's Bells

2007-12-19T16:40:00.000-06:00

There's nothing like your big boss making odd, "I'm in pain" kinda noises in their office, and then getting on the floor, and just kinda grunting a bit, and then you go ask them what's up and they tell you to get the itty bitty bottle out of their briefcase. When you finally find it, IT'S NITROGLYCERINE!!! HELLOOOOO HEART ISSUES!!!! DAMN!

Would have been nice to know that. Had he SAID SOMETHING when he decided he needed to be on the floor!! I figured it was just that he threw his back out or something. BUT NOOOOOOOO!!! Has to be pain going down his left arm. And he damn well left to GO HOME!!!! He's supposed to call me when he gets there. If I don't hear from him by the top of the hour, I'm calling his wife. I asked him if he had told her what had happened. NOPE! SHIT, MAN!!! Probably doesn't want her freaking out like I am right now. Well, she'd probably be worse, but who knows. She seems like the kind that would be pretty level headed.

FUCK!!! fuckfuckfuckFuckFUCK!!!! That's just scarier than HELL!

30 minutes later:

Big boss just called. He made it home. I'm still worried, but there isn't much I can do about that now.

nervous

2007-12-11T16:56:00.000-06:00

there's nothing to make you more cranky and irritable around the holidays than when your boss comes out of their office and says something like "I don't know if I want to work here anymore." Talk about getting nervous for your job, again. . .

Yukky

2007-12-11T08:50:00.000-06:00

Weather sucks today. Granted, we don't have it nearly as bad as the rest of the country. At least it's not freezing here (today). It was 60 degrees in my office yesterday. IN THE OFFICE!!!! I finally called the buildings guys and they said they would come back up today to double check on it. Too bad it was in the 40's yesterday and going to be somewhere close to 70 today. Makes a difference inside.

Didn't get crap done last night. Maybe because I was cold all day and it was rainy, but I was in a most craptacular mood last night. Didn't want to do ANYTHING. So, I went home, took a nap, got up, took my pills and read some smut. Nice way to spend an evening.

Oh, Dear, Lord

2007-12-10T16:08:00.000-06:00

Am I gonna try this again??? Seems like it. Should be interesting. We will see how it goes, if I ever get back here, what kinda crap I end up yakking about and so on and so forth. . .