Comedy of Errors

Yesterday was a comedy of errors for me:

1) Open one eye, realize it's light outside, look at clock which says 7:55. OH SHIT. R0ll over and look at Pixie, who usually is waking me up at 6:30 ON THE WEEKENDS. She just eyes me back. Damn cat.

2) Take my shower, start getting ready for work. Put deodorant on my right pit, turn the dial on deodorant, realize there isn't any left. Okay, I'll grab my extra one I always have on hand. Um, yeah, no extra one, even after pulling out the step-stool and looking in the BACK of the closet. No deodorant. So, my right pit is fine, my left pit gets an extra shot of perfume.

3) Get dressed, look in mirror and realize the cute new skirt is WAY too dressy for the shirt I've already ironed and have on. Great, ditch lace skirt and dig in dirty clothes for long skirt.

4) Get to work. The boss is back today. That's when the day went from a comedy to a tragedy. He drives me nuts, and not in a good way. I also figured out that the boss from the part-time job is just about the same. I don't think I can handle that type of personality for more than 40 hours a week. . .

5) Old boss calls at noon looking for current boss. Current boss has been off for 2 1/2 weeks and then the first day back HAS TO RUN ERRANDS for several HOURS. So, old boss tells me that the reason he left the outside firm he was working at since he retired is because he has cancer, and it's been there for years. Damn, that just really ruined the day.

I've been needing to go to the grocery store for a while now, and I was going to try to skip it again last night, but then I realized I HAD to go, or else nobody would come near me or my stinky pits. I spend 2 hours there, just kind of wandering around. I hope all the stuff I got lasts a while.

My Boyfriend

At least HE thinks he is.

Sad :(

I took down my christmas tree at the office today. I had to take down all of my lovely black ornaments, my Evil Queen ornament, and the one that has "naughty" on one side and "nice" on the other. I kept it on the naughty side. Boss comes back tomorrow, I pretty much haven't gotten anything done there in a while.

So, I haven't posted in gawd only knows how long, so I'll show you my halloween costume:

I was Wednesday Addams. One of the women I work with was going to be Morticia, but she never got around to it. I spend quite a bit of time with that little bunny. Very cute, very soft, and about 10 minutes after this picture was taken, he peed alllllllll over my left boob. Needless to say, I went home, quickly.

The book is: I Hate Myself and Want to Die; The 52 Most Depressing Songs You've Ever Heard. It's freaking hilarious. And I just didn't have time to find a doll to decapitate. I wasn't going to do that to any of the few I have, wait, do I have any . . .?

Oh yeah, HI! Justme! You may be the only one here!

What's Up

I went to see my therapist Thursday, and we are going to be seeing each other weekly for a while, until I can kind of get a handle on this. I took Tuesday afternoon off of work, I just couldn't be there any more, and then I took Friday off, just about the same reason. But I did actually go see Dr. Brain (I'm stealing that from Just Me, it makes sense) on Friday, like the shrink recommended. We are upping my Paxil again, at least until I get the above mentioned handle. I also got a haircut and a 2 hour massage. Can't really shake a stick at that. Mom and Big Boss both brought up moving back to the hometown, but I really, REALLY don't want to do that. There are more jobs there with my company, but I have my life here, my whole support structure, all of my friends and drs. out the wazoo. I've been here 11 years and I love this town, so I'm not planning on leaving anytime soon. Big Boss took me into his office this week and said that as things start to fall into place and he knows what's actually going to happen that he will let me know what he does. That helped. He also said that he's going to be talking to people to help find me another job. That's a huge help, but I'm still scared shitless. I really want to get out of legal. I don't want to go to a law firm, I don't want to move to another legal department in the company, I'm done. I need something new. I'm bored out of my mind where I am. I think it's giving me too much time to think.

I've decided I need to print out a list of all the pills I take every day, laminate it, and keep it in my wallet. I can't remember any more what I'm taking and what the doses are, there are just too many. Now, if I could just lose 100 lbs, I wouldn't have that many to take. Good luck with that one.

Oh, dear LORD will it ever stop

So, I'm not too happy with life right now. Doesn't help that my moods are pretty much controlled by whatever everyone around me is feeling. The big boss is going to leave, we just don't know when. There is no way in HELL that I will work for the little boss (a printer wouldn't print out what he sent to it, so he had me check it. He could have checked it himself faster and found out IT JUST FUCKING NEEDED PAPER!). I'm hoping that this other job works out. It looks like it would be interesting, but for now, I'm kind of dangling in the wind, which makes me not want to do a single damn thing. I've pretty much been depressed all week, all I do when I get home is crawl into bed and read, take a nap, get up, watch a little bit of tv, figure out what's for dinner, and go back to bed. Wheeee. So long as I don't actually have to think about anything, seems I'm doing good. Otherwise, I'm a mess. I went to lunch yesterday, ate way too much, and realized as I sat there that I really, REALLY didn't want to go back to the office. It had dawned on me, clear as a bell, that I'm depressed. So, I basically spend the rest of the day feeling like I wanted to throw up. Felt the same way today. I really hate throwing up, but if I'm having a panic attack, that's usually what I do. I haven't had one in a long time, but I have this feeling that I might. I don't want to be aorund my friends, I don't want to be at work, I just want to be at home, in bed, not thinking about anything that has to relate to my life. I haven't called in sick to work yet, but I think about it every day.

nervous

there's nothing to make you more cranky and irritable around the holidays than when your boss comes out of their office and says something like "I don't know if I want to work here anymore." Talk about getting nervous for your job, again. . .