Beef, it's what's for dinner. . .

and breakfast, and lunch, and mid-morning snack, and maybe afternoon snack, and possibly if I get up in the middle of the night. . . Good lord, hormones are fun. . .

Not EXACTLY A Pretty Good Year

Man, we were so hoping this was going to go well. So far, not really so good, and January isn't even over yet. . .

I just got a note from my insurance telling me that my therapist that I ADORE won't be on their lists starting March 1. Bleh. I'm not sure I can afford her without insurance. . .

Oh, and then the powers that be decided that the bosses around the company need to have a staff meeting regarding BUDGET in about 10 minutes. LOVELY. I asked if I could sit in on it, and the big boss said that was fine. Actually he said he didn't care, but not in the "I could give a flying flip about you", actually in the "sure, do whatever you want to" kinda way. I like that about him, along with a bunch of other things.

Little boss got back on Monday, and he's had me running. No more slacking off for me!!! It's a bit stressful, but it keeps me moving and the days go faster, which is nice.

At least last night I was productive. I figured I was just going to go home and go to sleep, since I haven't been keeping my CPAP mask on all night lately, so I'm pretty wiped out, but I ended up making a necklace for a friends birthday and watching Criminal Intent. I do love that show, and miss the Sunday night time slot when I would watch it and do laundry. . . Times change, all around, I guess.

Now, I'm just gonna hope that the pain in my neck isn't disk blown out the OTHER side from the first time. . . It's just a knot, it's just a knot, it's just a knot, I just need a massage, I just need a massage, I just need a massage. . . :)

God Bless the Therapists

Specifically, MY therapist. Woman is a miracle worker, so far as I'm concerned. I've been wallowing in this pit of despair and self-hate for a week and a half (I know, might not seem long to some folks, but when it effects how I deal with EVERYTHING, it's serious). So, I tell her about it, she decided that maybe some EMDR is in order. I'd never done it before, but she had talked about it. I feel so much better. I have no idea what it does or how it does it, but I feel like I can handle my life again, well, as good as I did 2 weeks ago. . .

Rhetorical Question. . .

How the FUCK is it, that one thing happens and I go running down the fucking rabbit hole to self-hate and anger? And then I'm smart enough to go FIND THINGS from the past (2 fucking years, it's been 2 fucking years, and I can't get over it, and it wasn't that bad of a thing) that make me feel even more worthless and unloveable. WHEEEEE! I guess finding out that your boss thinks that your jobs might not be around much longer will kinda push you in the self-abuse direction.